📝 The Funniest Notes Left Out for the Milkman
A Doorstep Deliveries Blog
If you’ve ever had milk delivered to your doorstep, you’ll know that the relationship between a milkman and a customer is a special one. It’s built on trust, early mornings… and sometimes very creative handwritten notes left next to the empty bottles.
Over the years, milkmen across Britain have collected some absolute classics. From polite requests to hilarious instructions, the humble note has become a legendary part of doorstep delivery culture.
At Doorstep Deliveries, we’ve seen a few crackers ourselves… so we thought we’d share some of the funniest (and most relatable) milkman notes ever left on the doorstep.
🥛 The Over-Thinker
Some customers like to leave very detailed instructions.
“Please leave milk behind the plant pot.
If raining, move plant pot.
If windy, move plant pot and milk behind the bin.
If the bin is gone, leave milk with next door.
If next door isn’t in… please take milk home and try again tomorrow.”
By the time the milkman has finished reading the note, the sun has usually come up and the cows are asking for overtime.
🐄 The Honest Customer
Sometimes honesty really is the best policy.
“Please only leave one bottle today.
The doctor says I drink too much milk…
but what does he know?”
We respect the commitment.
🍪 The Negotiator
Milk and biscuits have always gone together.
“Milkman — please leave two extra bottles tomorrow.
Payment will be in the form of homemade cookies.”
Frankly, this is the kind of deal most milkmen are happy to accept.
🐕 The Warning Note
Many milkmen develop an excellent understanding of neighbourhood pets.
“Milkman — please throw the milk over the gate.
The dog is friendly… but he really loves milk.”
A true professional milkman can judge the throwing distance of a pint of semi-skimmed with Olympic precision.
😴 The Sleepy Household
Early morning deliveries sometimes clash with late-night lifestyles.
“Milkman — could you please deliver later?
We are students.”
Unfortunately, the cows refuse to operate on student hours.
🥛 The Classic British Apology
Perhaps the most British note of all:
“Sorry the bottles are late out today.
We overslept.
Please forgive us.”
Milkman response: “Don’t worry… I was here at 2:47am.”
🚪 Why Doorstep Deliveries Still Feels Personal
One of the reasons people love doorstep milk delivery is because it still feels human and personal in a world that’s becoming more automated.
A supermarket delivery might bring groceries to your door — but it doesn’t come with:
Friendly interactions
The occasional doorstep note
A milkman who knows your order by heart
A delivery that arrives before the day even begins
And of course, fresh milk in traditional glass bottles that hasn’t travelled halfway across the country before breakfast.
🐄 Have You Ever Left a Note for the Milkman?
We’d love to hear your best ones.
Leave a comment on our social pages and tell us the funniest note you’ve ever written — or received!
Who knows… it might appear in our next Doorstep Deliveries blog post.
🥛 Start your milk delivery today
Fresh milk, local produce, and a little bit of old-fashioned doorstep magic.
👉 Visit www.doorstepdeliveries.co.uk
